Michelle Malkin Is Right!

by Jason Dzubow on July 15, 2014

She got us. A recent article by anti-immigrant activist and daughter of immigrant parents, Michelle Malkin lays bare President Obama’s nefarious scheme to enrich immigration lawyers while filing our country with criminals, Muslims, and “Typhoid Marias.” Ms. Malkin states:

Immigration lawyers celebrate the recent influx of child asylum seekers at our Southern border.

Immigration lawyers celebrate the recent influx of child asylum seekers at our Southern border.

[L]eft-wing immigration lawyers and ethnic activists operate a lucrative industry whose sole objective is to help illegal aliens and convicted criminal visa holders evade deportation for as long as possible. Groups such as the American Immigration Lawyers Association, the Immigrant Legal Resource Center, and the American Friends Service Committee make their livelihoods off administrative bottlenecks.

How does she know about this? It’s almost as if she were a fly on the wall at my country club where she overheard me talking with my friends at AILA, ILRC, and AFSC about all the money we’ve been making since thousands of wealthy Central American children started arriving at the Southern border. Perhaps my friends and I were all speaking a bit too freely after having consumed a few bottles of Vosne-Romanee Permier Cru (1983). We will have to be more guarded in the future.

Frankly, though, as the father of two future Andover academicians with a yacht that won’t pay for itself, I’d like to know who let out our little money-making secret? Ms. Malkin gives us a clue. She writes, “Insiders have told me again and again over the years: ‘It ain’t over ‘til the alien wins.’” Who are these colloquialism-spouting “insiders” that tattled on us? One source seems to be a former law clerk from the Fifth Circuit (hence, ain’t) who, Ms. Malkin tells us, believes that Ms. Malkin is “absolutely correct” in her analysis: “immigration lawyers use the current system of endless appeals to make illegals essentially undeportable.” This clerk was also amazed that “illegal aliens, unlike American citizens, get TWO appeals as of right – one to the BIA and then another to the Circuit Court of Appeals.” I am not sure whether Ms. Malkin or the unnamed clerk emphasized TWO to show how amazed she/he was, but the emphasis was in the original article. I am also not sure how Ms. Malkin (or the clerk) got from “TWO appeals” to “endless appeals” in the same paragraph. Probably I was too busy counting my endless money to follow the logic (I made $2.00 today). Finally, I wonder who these poor Americans are who receive only ONE paltry appeal. My guess is that they are not before an administrative court (immigrants appear before administrative courts—the Immigration Court and the Board of Immigration Appeals or BIA), which usually allow for an administrative or inter-agency appeal and an appeal to a federal court (TWO appeals! Even for U.S. citizens! Ain’t that sumpin’?). 

Ah, but it only gets worse from there. Ms. Malkin even knows how we lawyers operate. She writes that the “legal tricks” for avoiding deportation include scams that would make Professor Harold Hill blush. Scams such as asylum (trouble!), cancellation of removal (Trouble!), and adjustment of status (TROUBLE! TROUBLE! TROUBLE!). Yes, we surely got trouble. I myself am a purveyor of that legal sleight of hand known as “asylum,” where we gather a type of snake oil known as evidence (which of late for my cases has included such gems as death certificates for close family members, medical reports about serious injuries, and letters from U.S. military commanders) and submit it to the Immigration Judge in the hope that our client won’t be deported to his death.

Ms. Malkin even knows about the “fraud-friendly U visa,” which provides a path to citizenship for “virtually anyone who applies.” All you need is to be the victim of a serious crime, the cooperation of law enforcement—who must submit signed documents on your behalf—and about three years of waiting. Then you too will gain residency based on a U visa. Easy peasey.

And then, of course, there are the “young illegal border surgers” who have been arriving along our Southern border like so many crazed teenage Beliebers. They too have a “plethora of litigation bites at the apple that will keep them in our country in perpetuity.” Lucky for them that they have such a plethora of options given that, historically, something like 97% of asylum claims from Central America and Mexico are denied. And lucky for us too—I can almost hear the coins clinking into my cup as these young Rockefellers pay my fellow attorneys and me for each delicious bite at that apple. Ka-ching!

Of course, none of this would be possibly without the complicity of the BIA, a bunch of “meddling activists” who Ms. Malkin tells us, “have the power to overturn deportation orders nationwide.” Never mind that less than 10% of Immigration Court cases are appealed and only about 11% of those are successful, or that—depending on the circuit court—between 5% and 30% of BIA decisions are overturned in federal court. It’s clear that the Mexican-loving hippies on the Board will stop at nothing to keep illegals in our country. And by the way, these endless appeals (ONE!) to the Board are earning big money for us lawyers. Why, my last BIA appeal alone paid for my oldest child’s college (in 15 years, assuming I can find a money market account that earns 88% per year; I’ll let you know).

In the end, I have no regrets. I suppose I could have taken the more honorable, but less lucrative path and worked as a political pundit, serving my country by courageously standing up to powerless immigrants and refugee children. Instead, I have chosen to make the big money by representing those immigrants and refugees. Believe you me, I am laughing all the way to the bank…

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Mark Tea August 5, 2014 at 5:17 pm

I came across this site while web-searching the terms “undeportable aliens” and “non-deportable aliens”. I’m talking about those convicted of crimes and then released into the US after their home countries refuse to issue travel documents. (as per US Supreme Court decision that they can only be held for 6 months). One of these guys from Viet Nam killed 5 people in San Francisco last year, I’ve heard numbers as high as 100K nationwide with China the worst offender with over 40K.

It sure looks like a deliberate cover-up by both the media and the feds. Somebody should know what the right number is, hmm? I once emailed the California prison system to settle a dispute that broke out on KGO radio SF regarding how many aliens were in the Calif system after Sheriff Lee Baca in LA was quoted as saying there were 400 homicide suspects in LA county alone who were assumed to have fled to Mexico. Bureau officials said over 20K Mexicans were in Calif prisons but this was based on what amount to an honor system for felons–on entry they were asked “where are you from” and whatever they said was then reported in the statistics.


jad alhalabi July 24, 2014 at 4:46 am

Dear Sir

Fristsetzungsantrag in der Sache Jad ALHALABI, Zl. 14478601-001

Good day to you. this my case and evidence .

My name is Jad Albair Alhalabi,I am currently seeking asylum in Austria, but the Austria government is following the human rights and justice and they are correct but I can prove it through my documents that they are not.

Before three years ago I asked for a right refuge in Austria, and I waited for more than two years and half for the answer.

At the end the authorities in Austrian told me that I had negative answer in my case, at that time the Austrian authorities closed my case and I became hopeless for that, I decided to go to Sweden to ask for new right refugee, after three months later when I was in Sweden they told me that the Austrian authorities ask to bring me back to Austrian (for what? I do not know).

I arrived to Vienna airport at 21/03/2014. I surprised the policemen in the air port shouted on me, attacked me, hit me and took me to prison,

And I am not safe here in Austria ?

The Jordanian government kill me in in quick time and the policeman was beating me and the reason he asked for my rights there(I declare the Gospel) , but the Austrian government kill me in a very slow long time and so-called political persecution to humans as a refugee, but the Austrian government stole my money under the cover of human rights and I have evidence of this in the papers.
where to run to take (the International Protection) ?!!!!!!, please give me Answer ?

Please check the attachments for my case and evidence.
Thank you very much for taking your time.

And for you all respect and thanks

Jad alhalabi


Fernando July 18, 2014 at 10:55 am

Not sure, but did I notice a trace of sarcasm in this post?


Patti Lyman July 16, 2014 at 3:58 pm

Jason, as you know, if there’s no nexus, they’re not refugees. Some are fleeing violence, but most are clearly sent or coming for the benefits. I also read a story today stating that a very large percentage are coming here for “family reunification”, i.e. to join their illegal alien relatives who are already in the U.S. and saw this a as a chance to orchestrate getting the children they left behind to join them here. I understand the sentiments and the desire to do that, but it is what it is. I just think that those of us advocating for the likely small percentage of truly worthy, legitimate asylum cases involved would do well to tamp down the blanket statements and hyperbole coming from the open borders contingent. This influx is keeping my legitimate asylum seekers who have followed the rules from getting their interviews and decisions, and that is not right.


Jason Dzubow July 17, 2014 at 10:35 pm

My sense is that many of them are motivated by fear of violence. One piece of evidence for this is that people from more violent countries (Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador) are coming at a higher rate than people from less violent countries (Nicaragua, Belize). The counter argument to this is that there are smaller communities of Nicaraguans and Belizians (Belize-ites?) in the US, so fewer are coming for reunification. Also, there are a couple recent reports that support the idea that violence is the main push factor. That said, it is very distressing that many legitimate asylum seekers (including many of my clients) are stuck in endless limbo, separated from family members and unable to move forward with their lives.


Patti Lyman July 15, 2014 at 3:49 pm

Jason, I’m sure you had fun writing this, but I don’t think we as asylum practitioners are representative of all immigration attorneys. I think we have a different calling and we both know it’s not that lucrative financially. Having said that, the number of fake asylum cases that get filed by unethical attorneys and unlicensed notarios make it harder for our deserving and truthful clients, and we all know that a frivolous or near-frivolous I-589 is often a last resort to avoid deportation, especially when the applicant has a criminal background. The vast majority of those rushing the border now are economic “refugees”, though some may be able to make out legitimate claims and of course I support their right to do so.


Jason Dzubow July 15, 2014 at 5:23 pm

Hi Patti – I agree with you that many lawyers are less-than ethical (I’ve written about that a number of times too). I am not sure I agree with you about the current influx and whether they are mostly economic refugees (check out this op ed: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/13/opinion/sunday/a-refugee-crisis-not-an-immigration-crisis.html?_r=0). I think many of these young people are fleeing violence. The problem is that most will not qualify for asylum due to a lack of nexus, not due to a fear of harm.


Brian Aust July 15, 2014 at 12:53 pm

You’re just looking for a special plug and mention by Ms. Malkin aren’t you. Love the quote, ” I suppose I could have taken the more honorable, but less lucrative path and worked as a political pundit, serving my country by courageously standing up to powerless immigrants and refugee children.” Brilliant!


Jason Dzubow July 15, 2014 at 5:25 pm

I am not counting on it, though we are both from Philly, so you’d think she’d help a brother out.


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